Beyond the Blow: The Pain of Disappearing Friends

The sting of abandonment and betrayal is sharp and especially from close friends. You reach out when you need support only to finding yourself walking alone as you grasp for air. The loss cuts in to the sense of belonging and broken trust.

My friends used to call me the challenge breaker, a keeper and a good vibe friend. I was there for them and offered my support to them. dream. I cried and rejoiced with them in equal measures. When they had challenges, I stood by their side and never left their side until they were able to stand on their own. All these I did because I though that is what good friends should do.

When I lost my husband, after fighting Leukemia, I thought it was a good time for my friends to show me they are truly quality friends. Little did I know that I was living in my own world. I over-expected and that's the mistake I made.

I forgot that the good I show to the world doesn't come back from the same people. The kindness I show to the people around me is repaid in many other ways. I used to hear this from other people, but, I experienced it firsthand.

During my adversity my friends ran away from me. My phone became silent and at one time I took it for repair hoping it will be announced faulty. It wasn't the case. I just confirmed what I was denying to accept. I no longer have them in my life.

Why They Left

Many days passed with me agonizing on why they decided to stay away from me. Later, when I enrolled in a loss and grief counseling course I came to know the reason. My friends ran for their dear lives to avoid the burden they saw in me. They were protecting their emotional well-being by not being part of my grief. They didn't want to get involved in my challenges.

Others didn't know how to make me feel better and so they kept the distance to allow me figure my way out alone. This statement made me wonder how accommodating I was to handle all their struggles and not feel like their pain was burdening me. And as I tried to understand them I still couldn't clear my mind if truly they were genuine people.

Some of my friends were in my life because I was married and so their spouses were safe. All of a sudden, I was baptized a husband snatcher. Did I deserve this? Others were gaining from me and now I had nothing to offer them, so, my part in their lives was done.

In short, I learnt that people leaves when you need them and they don't feel guilty about anything. It’s up to me to set safe boundaries and carefully choose who I want in my life. Otherwise, not everyone cares as I do.